A letter to Hassan Nasrallah: Jumping on the bandwagon
I am writing you this letter because I owe you sir an apology: I didn't support you or your blessed organization when this conflict started. Hell, even before that. And for that, sir, I was wrong, and I apologize. From this day forward I am the biggest Hezbollah supporter, ever. I will wear those T-shirts, I will wave your yellow flag, and go to every pro Hezbollah rally and chant with the chanters. I am converted now. You made a believer out of me, with your victory over Israel, which totally destroyed the legend of the Israeli army, just like it was destroyed in 2000 and 73. what a fuckiní resilient legend, huh? It's like the Freddy Kreuger of legends. Every time you kill it, it just keeps coming back. This is why I urge you to destroy it once and for all this time around, and not accept the cease-fire agreement.
You see sir, we in Egypt accepted a cease-fire agreement once in 73, and that is why Israel still exists, as many Nasserites and Syrians have told me repeatedly. Had we not accepted the cease-fire and continued fighting, we would've eventually liberated all of Palestine. But alas, that pussy Sadat and his concern over war cost, the mounting casualty rates and that second army in the Km 101 have cost us that victory. Never again. We should learn from our mistakes sir. Every Newspaper I read in the middle-east and every Arab satellite news channel, especially yours, keeps informing me of how much Israelis you are killing, how few men you are losing and how you are accomplishing what no Arab country has accomplished and are winning this war against Israel, and you know how the Arab media never lies and always tells the truth. What I don't understand is this: if you are winning, why stop now? I say continue fighting, until, god willing, you destroy the accursed Zionist entity and liberate Jerusalem. I am sure that your army of 5000 fighters and your 10000 rockets can do it. I have faith in you, especially after all the victories you have achieved, like having the Israeli army inside of Lebanon again, right where you want them of course, and having your neighborhood in Beirut destroyed, which saved you all the demolition costs it would've cost you for the Hezbollah Paradise Towers project, which will provide every Shia family with a luxury High-rise apartment in a premium Beirut location. It was a fantastic business decision I must say. Die with envy Christians and Sunnis. You didn't think of that, did ya?
Oh, those Christians and Sunnis and Druze make me sick, with their "support" on one side and their pushing for cease-fire the other side. If they really supported You and Your party, they wouldn't even call for a cease-fire. Everyone knows you don't call for a cease-fire when you are so clearly winning. Those people are defeatists and possibly Zionists agents, especially that Jumblatt. He even looks like a Jew, with his nose and his hair and his dislike of Syria. So what if they assassinated his father, huh? Is that enough reason for him to be such a freaking' traitor? Hell NO. He should be the first on the butcher's block that one.
However, it is quite impossible that everybody who is calling for a
cease-fire is a Zionist traitor. I think the problem is that those people don't
have any dignity, or at least have the wrong definition of dignity. Don't be
hard on them, God knows I was one of them before I saw the light. I always
thought the definition of dignity was that you have a good job, a decent house,
could afford your kids a decent living in a peaceful country with a future. What
American Zionist propaganda. Dignity is getting attacked due to the actions of
your leader, to the point of losing everything, and still refusing to hold that
accountable. Dignity is having your entire neighborhood bombed, your children killed, and your only reaction is to dance in the streets like Zulu warriors in support of Hezbollah. That's what dignity, pride and honor are all about. I get that now.
But we can help them get it too. Think about it: those people- cursed Christian, Sunnis and Druze-who call for the cease-fire don't have dignity for a very good reason: Their houses are still standing. Hell, more than 80% of the country is still not destroyed. That's a lot of people without dignity oh great ayatollah Nasrallah, and we need to teach it to them. So please, for their own sake, continue bombing Israel from their villages and eventually those Zionists will fall into your trap and bomb them as well, giving them instant dignity. Don't worry about any backlash on the short or long run. I mean, look at Nasser: He too entered wars against enemies far stronger than him, and caused the death of thousands of Egyptians and the economic destruction of the country for decades to come. Do the people hate him? Noooooo. They love him, because he gave them dignity. Hell, your biggest supporters in Egypt keep comparing you to him, and they love you for reminding them of the dignity they feel whenever Arabs die. Thank you for reminding them how it feels like to have dignity. Thank you.
And please, don't listen to those people who talk to you about the mounting Lebanese civilian casualties due to Israeli bombing. Those people are idiots. First of all, you can't have an omelet without breaking some eggs. What? They thought liberating Palestine was going to be achieved with no people dying? Helloo, we have to kill 8 million Jews to do it, and they are not big fans of getting killed. Deaths are inevitable. But, unlike them, our dead go to Heaven. Instant martyrs. Even the Israeli Muslims we kill are martyrs, as you said yourself. Those people are the same people who complained about the half a million Iraqi children that died from malnutrition and lack of medicine from the sanctions imposed on the glorious regime of Saddam. They don't understand that Saddam gave them Dignity for breakfast, Honor for lunch and Pride for dinner as one Iraqi friend once told me, or that those half a million children are now playing in Heaven, after dying with the dignity that Saddam's rule gave them. But don't get mad at the ignorant my dear sir; they just don't know any better, since they don't understand dignity. Just like those Arab leaders of ours, curse their names and faces.
Those so called leaders are all Zionist American agents and have absolutely no dignity what so ever, as my Nasserite friends have repeatedly told me. And you know what? They are right. A true Arab leader, a leader with dignity, should immediately go to war against Israel the moment they attempt to respond to your glorious and justified acts of resistance. Hell, they should throw all caution to the wind, not care about how unprepared they might be, or how such a war would affect the country economically, or even how many people would die because of it, and like Nike, just do it! A true leader shouldn't care about such trivial things like the welfare of his country or the safety of his people, as long as he engages in wars of dignity and inflicts some damages against the evil Nazi Zionists. That's what your glorious role model showed them, and the Egyptian people have looked around, saw the peace and quiet we have been living in for the past 27 years and screamed: I DON'T WANT THIS HONORLESS PEACE! GIVE ME WAR! GIVE ME DEATH! GIVE ME DIGNITY. You are teaching all Arabs what it means to be a leader with dignity, not one of those pansies that govern Egypt, Jordan or the Arabian Gulf, with all of their sissy talk of peace, development and economic stability. What a bunch of pussies! Seriously! You will show them when you liberate Palestine. Oh yes you will.
And finally, don't listen to all of those people who talk about the difference in your army and the Israeli army, and how they have superior weapons, like aircrafts and nuclear warheads. Those fools don't understand that you have the most powerful weapon of all: You have GOD ON YOUR SIDE. You even hinted at your special relationship when you omnipotently spoke about how the Israelis were going to attack in 2 months anyway, so it was a good thing to provoke an attack from them now while they were unprepared. Many people wondered how you knew that, but only I figured it out: God told you. What? Do those people think he placed you as the leader of his party for no reason? HA! Foolish know-nothings! You have a close personal relationship with him. He talks to you and tells you stuff. This is why you don't do any filed fighting anymore, and reserve your energy for those TV appearances. You are in no hurry to die in order to meet him; he comes to you every night. And people wonder why the rest of the planet is in such bad shape: GOD IS BUSY, DAMN IT! He is occupied with making sure his party survives. And despite all that, you have those people who keep asking him for things like a better world, Justice and peace on earth, while he is busy helping you fight his chosen people. Don't people understand what Priorities mean anymore? People today man, I tell you, no manners!
And finally, If those negative defeatist naysayers continue their misguided rhetoric, refusing to believe that God is really on your side and will hand you your victory on a plate of silver, I would like to remind them what your name means. You are called Nasrallah, which means God's Victory. Come on people. Do I have to spell it out for ya? God's victory, waging the war using God's party? You are so gonna win this. It's not even a discussion!
So please, dear great supreme leader Hassan Nasrallah, for all of those reasons, don't accept the cease-fire. Continue fighting, and the gates of Jerusalem are yours to pass through. I will be here, standing right behind you, well, in front of the Television really, but I will be cheering really really hard for every Israeli death you inflict for every 10 death they inflict upon your people. And I will also pray very hard for God to help you out more and hasten the destruction of Israel. I hear they are considering bringing back Bibi as Prime Minister, so it really shouldn't be long now, since he will do most of the damage for you anyway, probably all in God's plan of giving you that victory. He works in mysterious ways, doesn't he? Oh yes. Yes, he sure does. And his victory and total annihilation of the Jewish people is nigh and will be on your hands, God willing. Just keep fighting Nasrallah, and keep firing those rockets. I am sure the Israelis will just roll over and play dead any minute now!
Your new supporter and faithful scribe,